did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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