he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
