i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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