420 ftw
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
