she's into porn, im staying here tonight
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
