when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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