needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize