I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
