he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
