i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
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