Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
