We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
