Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize