Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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