With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Everything about him screamed your future.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
