Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
