please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
dude i'm inner monologue high
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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