Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
