ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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