This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize