I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
