My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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