Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
FUCK WHALES
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