yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
