he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Please don't give away my fajitas
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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