Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
