We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
