Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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