his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
