YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
