i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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