Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
