...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
