Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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