If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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