Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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