I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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