my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
