His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
