I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
