I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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