Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
