so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize