You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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