Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
