i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Randomize
