so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
