I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Panties = found
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
