I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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