like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
