dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
We had sex on a dog bed..
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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