He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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