She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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