I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
