i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
