I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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