My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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