I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I want a musical about memes.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
