just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
