just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
