Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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