can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Never underestimate the power of titties
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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