you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
