U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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