i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize