My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Randomize
