Operation Purity has been aborted
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
