I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
