i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Welp...herpes.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
