swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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