For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
