I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize