Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
