Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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