i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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