i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize