Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
