Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
