Where did you get a picture of my penis
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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