i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
