so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
