It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
im holly from the hills drunk
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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