don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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