I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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