OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Randomize
