yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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