it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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