My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize