Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
