I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
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