we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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