God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize