I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
