So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
