I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Randomize
