I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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