note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
As shirtless as possible
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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